Im Kölner Dom (in the Cologne Cathedral)

Bianca's latest entry reminded me that I still had some unviewed photos of various trips. These here are from my trip through Germany in February of this year, specifically from my time in Köln (Cologne), more specifically from one of my visits to the Dom. I was so awestruck by its size and grandeur that I visited two or three times... the following photos are from inside the towers themselves:

agh, my legs!

Today, Hannes picked me up to go play football. And by football, I don't mean this ridiculous sport:


rather this one:


I never play sports. I'm not ashamed of my athletic ineptitude at all, for I am generally of the opinion that I have better things to do. Still, it is probably foolish to neglect the body as much as I do. Riding my bicycle to school and back isn't much apparently, and I haven't been even doing that lately, so I thought I would give this a shot... Hannes lent me some sneakers less heavy and restrictive than my water-proof boot-like variety. I have no shorts so I chose to play in jeans. As we arrived and met up with the others, none of whom I knew, I was filled with a little bit of apprehension that I would not be able to pull my weight, and at only understanding about 70% of the salzburger dialect, despite having lived here for 2 1/2 years

I can understand why football is the most popular sport in the world. There is something very charming about the simplicity of it- one runs and kicks a ball freely across a field of green... I never did quite grasp the rules of american football- nor did I want to. Basketball was okay, but I prefer the grassy earth to the asphalt and I really do not enjoy dribbling of any kind.

I made some blunders, right at the beginning I missed a pass... because, well, for no good reason, really. I'm just not used to receiving passes. I soon started to concentrate on defense, which is something even an amateur can do well, especially if the opponent is a man in his 50s. He was still pretty good though.

During the second game the goal tender suggested that we switch and suddenly I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. "So... much... responsibility" I thought to myself, standing there, not prepared to use my hands, for fear of injury... instead, I blocked my first ball with my face... right in the left eye. I laughed it off and said I had used my head... though to be honest, I had hardly seen the ball coming. The next ball I blocked with my stomache... which wasn't quite tensed up, but alas- The pain subsided both times after a couple of minutes, and was certainly nothing in comparison to that of those hit in the crotch.

I was amazed at how often someone would become injured by another player and get angry about it... I wondered how those who lack the spirit of brotherly love, that these men enjoy, can play this sport without becoming very unhappy. In any case, it is an unavoidable part of the experience and everyone overcame their anger before going home.

All in all I had a good time and, after starting to focus more on offense, I even scored my very first goal near the end... I might even go play again- the others want me to (In which case, I should probably procure gloves and shorts) I can hardly move my legs and imagine it will be even worse tomorrow. My concentration doesn't feel very improved and I'm quite tired, but it's a more satisfying fatigue, since there is a clearly identifiable reason for it. Still, this is probably not what Devon had in mind, as she suggested exercising more...

... and no worries, I promise never to write about sports again. :)

Bertolt Brecht: ,,An die Nachgeborenen" ( to the afterborn ) author reading

I love his voice... maybe you will too, even without understanding German? In any case, I will translate the text.

I

Really, I live in dark times!
The guileless word is foolish. A smooth forehead
purports insensitivity. The laughing one
has only not yet received
the dreadful news.

What kind of times these are, where
a conversation about trees is almost a crime.
Because it in involves keeping silent about so many
misdeeds!
Who there peacefully goes across the street
is likely no longer within reach of his friends,
who are in need?

It is true: I still earn my livelihood
But believe me: that is only a coincidence. Nothing
of that, which I do, gives me the right to eat my fill.
Coincidentally, I have been spared. (when my luck runs out, I am lost)

They say to me: Eat and drink, you! Be happy that you have!
But how can I eat and drink, when
I wrest away what I eat from the starving one and
my glass of water is missing from the thirsting one?
And yet I eat and drink.

I would gladly be wise as well.
In the old books there is written, what is wise:
To keep one's self out of the world and to spend the
short time without fear
also to get by without violence
to repay wicked with good
to not fulfill one's wishes, but to forget them
is counted as wise.
I cannot do any of that:
Really, I live in dark times!

II

I came to the cities in the time of disorder
as hunger ruled.
I came among the people in the time of uproar
and I revolted with them.
So elapsed my time
that was given to me on earth.

I ate my food between the battles
I laid myself to sleep among the murderers
I attended to love carelessly
and without patience I saw nature.
So elapsed my time
that was given to me on earth.

The streets led into the swamp in my time.
Speech betrayed me to the slaughterer.
I was only capable of little. But the rulers
felt more certain without me, this I hoped.
So elapsed my time
that was given to me on earth.

The powers were little. The goal
at a great distance.
It was clearly seen, even if for me
scarcely attainable.
So elapsed my time
that was given to me on earth.

III

You, who will emerge from the flood
in which we have gone down
Remember
When you speak from our weaknesses
the dark time
that you have escaped.

Although we went, changing countries more often than shoes
through the wars of the classes, desperate
if there was only injustice and no revolt.

Yet now we know:
Even hatred against baseness
contorts the features.
Even rage over the injustice
makes the voice hotter. Ah, we
who wanted to sow the seeds of kindness
could ourselves not be kind.

You though, when the time comes
that man helps his fellow man
Remember us
with leniency.

Wolken im eisigen Mondlicht/ Clouds in Icy Moonlight

I don't know what to do. I am constantly tired and sleepy, although I sleep enough and take my vitamins. I want to write more music, but it's difficult. I could practice viola, but it's difficult. I would like to study French, but it's also difficult. So I'm typing here because it's easy... just don't expect anything epic- that would be too difficult.

A soprano, a very good one, might be willing to perform my song cycle (Schneekreis) on the 14th of January. I should rejoice, but I keep thinking "ach, then I have to practice more" and "ugh, I want to move on already and work on a new piece". My teacher loves the piece, and seems to think it's my best work yet. Maybe he's right, yet I keep thinking about the future...

I am writing a collection of small pieces for viola and piano... It was fairly easy for me to write the first one... I'm happy with it and would love to write 6 more, but my other ideas aren't as clear and simple, or I just don't have enough of them. Do I need peace? time to reflect? to sleep? Or do I need to not waste time and concentrate? to work? The answer is never that simple.

I just listened to ,,Ein Kinderspiel" (child's play) by Helmut Lachenmann, while looking at the score... I think it's a special piece and it's relevant to my work at the moment because of the piano techniques he uses... sometimes I'm a little jealous that I didn't think of some of this first, but to be fair, he wrote the piece in 1981... some things are just so obvious. Did no one really do that before him?

Here is a performance of the piece... but I don't expect you to like it. I find it beautiful, but myself a bit difficult to listen to- and I hear this "type" of music often enough. I use quotation marks, because the only way to categorize this music is by comparing it to pop music or to folk music, or to jazz... it's none of that- although it may at times borrow some elements of these types.

It occurs to me that "art music" is so hidden from the public eye. People go to museums because it is an interesting thing to do, and they expect to find strange work there, that they will not quite "get", but will perhaps for this reason find fascinating. The art is there and they see it, and if they don't like it, they can move on immediately to the next piece, or go home, and then not go to a museum for a while. ( I don't go very often either )

But while visual art is seen as culture, music's role in society is rather seen as that of entertainment. It's not something for the museum (or concert hall), but rather for the car ride to work, for the shower, for sitting around the house. It should have some style (if one is selective), but it should still be easy to understand and digest, it should in some way be ordinary... music is a temporal experience- a piece of music demands time to experience, and most people would rather not bother with these strange sounds when there is something on the radio that they enjoy right away.

I'm not trying to be critical of people- I really like some popular music. Sure, there are close-minded people, but I think most people just don't know much about contemporary art music, and are hardly exposed to it... ( which is probably a reason for said close-mindedness ) I only started paying attention to it when I was 19 because I took a class about it... this class changed my life, but before then I had just played Bach, listened to the Beatles, and knew nothing about Stockhausen, Varèse, or Ligeti. It seems like no one wanted me to know about them, except for the teacher of this class that I took. The world around me would much rather let me know about something which I am more likely to enjoy and to purchase.

So I wonder if that can be changed, if this art form can be presented better to the public, made more accesible to them without compromising artistic integrity. I hear this is better in the big culture cities of Europe like Vienna, Paris, and Berlin. Salzburg on the other hand is a conservative, aesthetically lukewarm location... but perhaps the Biennale is a step in the right direction. The colorful banners advertising it... the mixed presentation of contemporary composers and ethnical music- this is for some a presentational compromise, but I didn't mind the opportunity to hear folk music from Japan... The halls weren't full, but they weren't empty either. It wasn't bad... unfortunately, Salzburg usually tends to disappoint.

So yeah, I'm tired of writing now so this is the end.

P.S. Now I'm watching an interwiew with Lachenmann. When asked about the ideals of "adventure", "willingness" and "curiosity" in new music, Lachenmann answered:

,,Ich beziehe mich immer wieder auf diese ebengenannten Begriffe... Natürlich, wenn man in ein Konzertsaal geht, da ist man nicht zunächst auf ein Abenteuer aus, sondern auf ein déjà-entendu-Erlebnis, dann will seine Wertvorstellung des Schönen, Guten, noch einmal feiern... und... da bewirkt das, was... nicht nur ich, aber auch ich vermitteln möchte, schon etwas wie Irritation."

"I refer again and again to these terms... Of course, when one goes into a concert hall, one is then from the beginning not out for an adventure, rather for a déjà entendu* experience, and wants to celebrate one's moral concept of beauty and goodness one more time... and then that which I... not only I, but I too want to convey, comes across as irritation. "

The rest of what he says sounds a bit preachy (which I hope this post hasn't done), but I found this at least worth sharing.

* déjà vu = already seen déjà entendu = already heard

write

It is Winter in Salzburg, but today the sunshine melts the snow. The Weihnachtsferien afford me two weeks of no classes in which I can do what I wish. I want- I will write music, but I also want to write words. In German. In English. I want to translate between the two and share things I enjoy. I want to explore new ways of expression. Writing words is so much easier than writing music- but writing something good is just as difficult. Such a large output may be overwhelming for all of my readers- all two of them. I don't need any more, I don't do this to gain "followers". So read when you have time to do so in a calm, relaxed state, and only if it corresponds to your heart's desire.

Indigo

I had been sitting in Indigo for hours, having enjoyed the pseudo-asian cuisine and now working in the pseudo-zen atmosphere of the restaurant whose mottos, written in English, read "more than just healthy fast food" and "food like a kiss"- a bit pretentious, but one of the few places in the city where I can relax and work for longer periods of time.

A woman glanced at me. Why did she do that? Was it because she is lonely? Because I opened the door for her in the restroom? I looked away and felt pity toward the woman, as whatever fleeting phantasies of me that may have gone through her head would never be fulfilled.

Cocky bastard.

I heard her and her girlfriend speaking, and thought I heard the words ,,Musik" and ,,Student", as if they were talking about me... but perhaps this was an illusion produced by my ego, apparently unwounded by the bad haircut from a few days earlier.

I stood up and walked toward the counter. A man looked at me. Why? Due to my darker hair and skin? Is he a conservative, racist Salzburger, who can't stand the amount of foreigners that has polluted the city? Or was he simply curious about my formal attire? I smiled at him. He did not smile back and instead returned to reading his paper.

I wish people would stop looking at me.

and yet I look at them.

Schneekreis (Snow Circle) texts

These are from a song cycle for soprano and viola, that I started writing earlier this year... during the last winter. The cycle contains 10 songs, 3 of which have no text. The text of the 6th song is not meant to be clearly heard because the singer gargles water while half-pronouncing it, but I will include it nonetheless. The text of the last song is from Kafka, but will be included even though it will probably make mine look bad. I will do my best to preserve the meaning of mine as well as of Kafka's text in the translations ( which will lead to some unusual formulations- but that's nice, right?)

1. Fall

Nichts ist so schön
wie Schnee am Abend,
auch wenn du mir fehlst.

Nothing is as beautiful
as snow at evening,
even when you are missing from me.

2. Mich haben viel' Träume

Mich haben viel' Träume.
Die sind alle schön.
...will die aber nicht.

Many dreams have me.
They are all lovely
...yet I want them not.

3. Den Körper Verlassen Leave the Body

without text

4. Vision

aber eines Tages
erhielt ich eine Vision
von einem Engel
mit zerbrochenen Flügeln.

Die Sterne schienen so hell.
Planeten starben in ihrem Licht,
aber an mir
schwebte sie vorbei...
deine Leiche.

Es war... phantastisch.

but one day
I received a vision
from an angel
with broken wings.

The stars shone so brightly.
Planets died in their light.
but it floated on
past me,
your corpse.

It was... phantastic.

5. Phantastisch

no text

6. Meeresboden

Hier auf dem Meeresboden
will ich dich sehen.

Das ist mein Wunsch,
wenn nur einmal wieder.

Hier ist es kalt,
und schneit kein bisschen.

Wie lange muss ich dich noch suchen...
auf des Meers Boden?

Here at the sea's bottom,
I long to see you.

That is my wish,
if only one more time.

Here it is cold,
and does not snow at all.

How much longer must I search for you...
at the bottom of the sea?

7. Lebensstrahl ( Life Beam )

no text

8. In der Anderen Welt

In der anderen Welt

wachsen Blumen
unwarscheinlicher Größe;
glühen die Himmel
fabelhafter Farben;
erschallen Wasserfälle mit
völlig fremden,
seltsam schönen,
hinreißend neuen Klängen.

Doch

statt Wasserfälle
höre ich dein Gelächter,
welches immer so leise war;
und statt färbiger Himmel
sehe ich deiner Augen Blick,
welcher so oft trüb wirkte;
und statt wachsender Blumen
bewundre ich
die unwarscheinliche
Größe deines Herzens;

obwohl ich mich hier befinde,

in der anderen Welt.

In the other world,

flowers of improbable size
grow.
skies of fabulous colours
glow.
and waterfalls resound with
completely foreign,
oddly beautiful,
ravishingly new sounds.

Yet

instead of waterfalls
I hear your laughter,
which was always so quiet;
instead of colourful heavens
I see the look of your eyes,
which so often appeared murky;
and instead of growing flowers,
I marvel at
the improbable
size of your heart;

although I find myself here,

in the other world.

9. Kalte Nacht

In der Kälte der Nacht,
als ich die Arme um mich schlug,
als meine Augen auf
die finsteren Wolken hinaufblickten,
nach etwas suchend,
das nicht zu finden war,

erschien mir der zerbrechliche Engel.

Ich bat ihn darum,
wegzugehen,
aber er wusste,
dass ich das nicht meinte.

Wie hätte ich das denn meinen können?

Er öffnete den Mund,
und von seinem lieblichen Gesicht,
erhielt ich diesmal
keine Vision.

Dafür aber eine Botschaft.

,,Der Frühling kommt
Der Frühling kommt
und alle Träume
müssen tauen."

Auf einmal war er fort,
und ich stand wieder allein
in der kalten Abendluft.

Ich drehte den Kopf nach oben
als eine einzige,
weiße,
Flocke
mein Gesicht berührte.

In the cold of night;
as I wrapped my arms around me;
as my eyes glanced upward
at the dark clouds,
searching for something
which was not to be found;

the breakable angel appeared to me.

I asked him
to go away.
But he knew
that I did not mean it.

For how could I have meant it?

He opened his mouth,
and from this lovely face,
I received this time
not a vision,

but instead a message.

"Spring is coming
Spring is coming.
And all dreams
must thaw"

At once he was gone,
and I stood alone again
in the cold evening air.

I turned my head upwards,
as a single,
white,
snow flake
touched my face.

10. Die Bäume The Trees (from Franz Kafka)

Denn wir sind wie Baumstämme im Schnee. Scheinbar liegen sie glatt auf, und mit kleinem Anstoß soll man sie wegschieben können. Nein, das kann man nicht, denn sie sind fest mit dem Boden verbunden. Aber sieh, sogar das ist nur scheinbar.

For we are like tree trunks in the snow. Apparently, they are smoothly laid out, and with a small shove, one should be able to push them away. No, one cannot do that, for they are firmly bound to the earth. But see, even that is only apparent.

if you are curious about North Korea....

I watched this film today. All of the filming was authorized by the North Korean government. Fascinating.

NORTH KOREA: A DAY IN THE LIFE 1 OF 3
Hochgeladen von Top-Notch112. - Neueste Nachrichten Videos.

RE: having qualities that give great pleasure; delighting the senses or mind

おまえは、空から落ちた

　ひとつぶの　星のかけらだった…

You were a star fragment, that fell from the sky...

- Radical Dreamers, Le Trésor Interdit

There are many pretty girls in the world, but a beautiful woman is the rarest of treasures.

I used to have the habit - I believe that it has since become greatly diminished - of being very critical of a female's appearance, whose acquaintance I had just made, or even whom I had observed from afar. One possible reason for this, is that I did not want to allow myself to be attracted to one for her looks, because then I would be an animal. I therefore set an unreasonably high standard to be met, in order to protect myself. This is obviously bullshit and I was probably just a shallow kid, whose ideals of beauty were corrupted by the media.

But even if we assume that the aforementioned possible reason was my plan- it carried with it the fatal flaw of blinding me to the ugliness of certain good-looking girls. If I could not find anything on the surface which displeased me, I then had no choice but to be an animal and become infatuated. This infatuation led to the expectation- or rather the hope that this person actually be beautiful.

This is of course a fallacy.

A truly beautiful woman can have a crooked nose, and has no need of large breasts. She has something, as Bianca said, that no one else has ( and therefore not easily described with a word like "confidence" or "intellect" ) . Something that amazes and astounds, that takes one's breath away. It would seem that many girls do not have this. These give sufficient attention to their appearance, and yet, I could almost swear, some of them have the same personality... speak the same, think the same... it is an emptiness that is terrifically abominable- one that horrifies.

I cannot pretend to be so pure-hearted that looks don't matter to me at all. But now, when I meet a female personage or observe one - just out of curiousity, not because I'm looking around for a girlfriend - I do not look for shallow reasons to find her unattractive. On the contrary, I often think "She has something. Maybe not something for me, but she has something". I like being able to see that, even if for just a moment.

...a response to this post

translation of the japanese text by utunnel at the Chrono Compendium

Mahlzeit

Mahlzeit. Keine Musik. Keine Videos, keine Webseiten. Das ist alles zu laut, zu stressig. Einfach den Geschmack der Speisen und den Klang des Raumes ganz ruhig zu sich zu nehmen. Nach so einem Tag kann sowas unwahrscheinlich herrlich sein. Aber das größte Vergnügen kommt, wenn man sich ganz langsam, ganz entspannt und ganz satt mit der Schönheit des Erlebnisses in jenen Raum hineinrülpsen lässt.

Mealtime. No music. No videos, no websites. That is all too loud, too stressful. To simply take in the taste of the food and the sound of the room o so peacefully. After such a day, this can be improbably glorious. But the greatest pleasure comes, when one allows one's self, so slowly, so relaxed, and so sated with the beauty of the experience, to eructate into the room.

so...

I haven't "blogged" in a while, but if I write something, it should be anywhere but on wretched Facebook. Looking back at one of my old online journals, I noticed I wrote a lot of uninteresting crap. I will try to not do that this time.

The title of this page is that of a poem by Friederich Rückert.

,,Blicke mir nicht in die Lieder.
Meine Augen schlag' ich nieder
Wie ertappt auf böser Tat

Selber darf ich nicht getrauen,
ihrem Wachsen zuzuschauen.
Deine Neugier ist Verrat!

Bienen, wenn sie Zellen bauen,
lassen auch nicht zu sich schauen.
Schauen selber auch nicht zu

Wenn die reichen Honigwaben
sie zu tag gefördert haben,
dann vor allen nasche du!"


Do not look me in the songs.
I bat my eyes downward.
As if caught at a bad deed.

I myself do not dare
to watch their growth.
Your curiosity is betrayal!

Bees, when they build their hives,
also don't let themselves be observed.
They themselves do not even watch.

When they have nurtured
the rich honey combs into being,
then before all others, may you have a taste!