Wolken im eisigen Mondlicht/ Clouds in Icy Moonlight

I don't know what to do. I am constantly tired and sleepy, although I sleep enough and take my vitamins. I want to write more music, but it's difficult. I could practice viola, but it's difficult. I would like to study French, but it's also difficult. So I'm typing here because it's easy... just don't expect anything epic- that would be too difficult.

A soprano, a very good one, might be willing to perform my song cycle (Schneekreis) on the 14th of January. I should rejoice, but I keep thinking "ach, then I have to practice more" and "ugh, I want to move on already and work on a new piece". My teacher loves the piece, and seems to think it's my best work yet. Maybe he's right, yet I keep thinking about the future...

I am writing a collection of small pieces for viola and piano... It was fairly easy for me to write the first one... I'm happy with it and would love to write 6 more, but my other ideas aren't as clear and simple, or I just don't have enough of them. Do I need peace? time to reflect? to sleep? Or do I need to not waste time and concentrate? to work? The answer is never that simple.

I just listened to ,,Ein Kinderspiel" (child's play) by Helmut Lachenmann, while looking at the score... I think it's a special piece and it's relevant to my work at the moment because of the piano techniques he uses... sometimes I'm a little jealous that I didn't think of some of this first, but to be fair, he wrote the piece in 1981... some things are just so obvious. Did no one really do that before him?

Here is a performance of the piece... but I don't expect you to like it. I find it beautiful, but myself a bit difficult to listen to- and I hear this "type" of music often enough. I use quotation marks, because the only way to categorize this music is by comparing it to pop music or to folk music, or to jazz... it's none of that- although it may at times borrow some elements of these types.

It occurs to me that "art music" is so hidden from the public eye. People go to museums because it is an interesting thing to do, and they expect to find strange work there, that they will not quite "get", but will perhaps for this reason find fascinating. The art is there and they see it, and if they don't like it, they can move on immediately to the next piece, or go home, and then not go to a museum for a while. ( I don't go very often either )

But while visual art is seen as culture, music's role in society is rather seen as that of entertainment. It's not something for the museum (or concert hall), but rather for the car ride to work, for the shower, for sitting around the house. It should have some style (if one is selective), but it should still be easy to understand and digest, it should in some way be ordinary... music is a temporal experience- a piece of music demands time to experience, and most people would rather not bother with these strange sounds when there is something on the radio that they enjoy right away.

I'm not trying to be critical of people- I really like some popular music. Sure, there are close-minded people, but I think most people just don't know much about contemporary art music, and are hardly exposed to it... ( which is probably a reason for said close-mindedness ) I only started paying attention to it when I was 19 because I took a class about it... this class changed my life, but before then I had just played Bach, listened to the Beatles, and knew nothing about Stockhausen, Varèse, or Ligeti. It seems like no one wanted me to know about them, except for the teacher of this class that I took. The world around me would much rather let me know about something which I am more likely to enjoy and to purchase.

So I wonder if that can be changed, if this art form can be presented better to the public, made more accesible to them without compromising artistic integrity. I hear this is better in the big culture cities of Europe like Vienna, Paris, and Berlin. Salzburg on the other hand is a conservative, aesthetically lukewarm location... but perhaps the Biennale is a step in the right direction. The colorful banners advertising it... the mixed presentation of contemporary composers and ethnical music- this is for some a presentational compromise, but I didn't mind the opportunity to hear folk music from Japan... The halls weren't full, but they weren't empty either. It wasn't bad... unfortunately, Salzburg usually tends to disappoint.

So yeah, I'm tired of writing now so this is the end.

P.S. Now I'm watching an interwiew with Lachenmann. When asked about the ideals of "adventure", "willingness" and "curiosity" in new music, Lachenmann answered:

,,Ich beziehe mich immer wieder auf diese ebengenannten Begriffe... Natürlich, wenn man in ein Konzertsaal geht, da ist man nicht zunächst auf ein Abenteuer aus, sondern auf ein déjà-entendu-Erlebnis, dann will seine Wertvorstellung des Schönen, Guten, noch einmal feiern... und... da bewirkt das, was... nicht nur ich, aber auch ich vermitteln möchte, schon etwas wie Irritation."

"I refer again and again to these terms... Of course, when one goes into a concert hall, one is then from the beginning not out for an adventure, rather for a déjà entendu* experience, and wants to celebrate one's moral concept of beauty and goodness one more time... and then that which I... not only I, but I too want to convey, comes across as irritation. "

The rest of what he says sounds a bit preachy (which I hope this post hasn't done), but I found this at least worth sharing.

* déjà vu = already seen déjà entendu = already heard